The two words you would least like to hear repeated from your roommate before getting ready for bed:
"Red Bull, Red Bull, Red Bull," except he was doing it in the accent from the commercials, but it is impossible to communicate that via text, so bare with me and stop demanding so much.
The last thing you want to do during a thunderstorm:
A feminism/gender-roles/sexism protest.
The thing that I hate:
A feminism/gender-roles/sexism protest sponsored by Red Bull.
Well, today there was a protest being held in the campus courtyard, and I am still not certain as to what exactly they were protesting, and I'm pretty sure the protestors had no idea what they were protesting either.
I looked down at the sidewalk, and written in chalk was a stunning statement.
"The pornography industry makes more money on a yearly basis than the MLB, NBA and NFL combined."
So, I stopped staring at the girls butt in front of me, and decided to let this annoying fat woman holding index cards and a Kazoo talk to me about some pointless protest she has.
Without asking to be spoken to, this lady walks up to me, very intrusively, and says "Did you know that sexual harassment didn't even have a definition until the mid-80's?"
After I picked my jaw up off the concrete, I was able to relay to this woman how genuinely disinterested I was by saying, "Nope. Weird."
Apparently to her that meant, "NO WAY!!!?? Please, do go on!"
She rambled off several other sentences involving the words "gender," "sex," and "apple," and after I was done pretending to listen, I asked her if the statement written in sidewalk chalk was true.
"Yes it is true! The porn industry is a huge money-maker! It's disgusting, really."
I concurred with her statement, and I was genuinely puzzled, thinking either America really likes watching people have sex, or commissioner Goodell and Stern have some serious work to do. I think it is probably a combination of both.
After the lady thanked me for my time, I continued to walk back to the dorm's, but I couldn't help but notice the random Kazoo's being played by the protestors. Some were talking to students, some were writing on the sidewalk, some were just standing there, blowing their Kazoo's.
Over, and over, and over, and in-between Kazoo blows, they would spout random words like "Pornography!" (Kazoo) "Women's rights!" (Kazoo) "Sexism!" (Kazoo).
This was my first protest on a college campus that I had involuntarily been a part of, and I have to say I am sincerely hoping it is the last.
To put the cherry on top of this wonderful protest, I walked into the Snack Bar, when two young children strolled in, holding a series of balloon art, unmistakably resembling a penis. The innocent children were thrilled to have found such a multi-colored, fun toy, but it was unmistakably...a penis.
Many people in the snack bar seemed stunned that this young boy was proudly carrying such a phallic toy, but in my head, I just thought it was hilarious.
Obviously, a protestor must have walked up to the child and said, "Hey little boy, do you want some balloons?"
Then the little boy said, "Sure."
Then the protestor said, "Okay, but first you have to promise me you will never view pornography, or ever use the word bitch, and you must accept Hilary Clinton as the second coming of christ."
This kid was obviously wise beyond his years, as he replied, "It's funny you say that, because I have a poster of Oprah Winfrey hanging in my room right now. Now give me the fucking balloons."
As I was observing this child's innocence being ripped from his grasp with every bounce of the balloons against his un-knowing palms, I realized it was pouring rain outside.
The sidewalk chalk slowly dripped away, the Kazoo's were drowned out, the protestors fled for shelter and everyone went back to not caring about gender-roles.
Suddenly, everything was right in the world.
In Honor of the NBA finals tipping off tomorrow, I would like to post this video again, and remind you that the Lakers will win in 6 games.
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