No Running in the Halls.

Upon the start of Winter term 2009, I am confident in saying that college is awesome, for one reason, and one reason only.

30+ year old classmates.

It's cool to know that someone can be a decade older than you, and still be in the same class you are.

In my public speaking class, there are several older students, most of which can remember when gasoline was under a dollar per gallon, and the earth was still flat. (Which it may be. Research is still pending.)

Today, one of my over-30-years-old classmates gave a speech on her life thus far, and the whole thing was pretty good, and pretty normal, until the end, when she concluded her speech by saying "So yeah, my name is Lisa. I like bullshitting with random people, and I hope by the end of this year, I can finally get divorced."

After the whole class collectively shit themselves, we were all able to re-group, and I let out a little chuckle, but nobody else thought it was that funny. I thought it was hilarious.

Something that is completely un-related is a girl in my speech class named Anya Tedbra.

I don't know her, but she gave a speech about her name, talking about how it is so disgusting and perverted. Everyone in the class thought her name was hillarious, and I did not understand.

So, I turned around and asked the people behind me why exactly her name is so hilarious.

"Her name is Anya! Like...ON YA! Get it?"

"And then it's Tedbra...like B-R-A. Like...BRA!!! Get it?"

"Oh, i get it."

I did get it. But the problem was I was having a hard time 'getting' why it is so perverted. Maybe because my initials are STD, I was having a hard time finding this girls 'unfortunate' naming situation humorous.

Try being named "dick warts" your entire life...then come back to me.

Then in my writing 222 class, a lady with a baby was sitting in the back row, and I'm going to assume she was either the mother, or a really bad baby sitter.

The teacher would frequently ask, "any more thoughts on this topic?"

And the room was silent. Until the little baby said "bah." "nana." "Bahaaaaha."

Everyone smiled or let out a little laugh, admiring the baby's cute-ness, but I wasn't buying it. Not for a second.

I immediately turned around, and criticized the baby for improper grammar, and I told it to take the Binkie out of it's mouth when it's speaking to me.

The baby then replied "Bah."

Rude.

I then told the mom/terrible baby sitter that she should find another class to take her and her baby to, because I am tired of having standard classroom awkward silences RUINED by random burps, farts, and baby talk.

"If anyone is going to ruin the silence with flatulence, and random baby noises...It's going to be ME!"

"Sean, see me after class."

"Bah."

The last 2 weeks of my life have been, more or less, spent in a charter bus and/or a dorm room. So this got me to thinking, that a dorm room on wheels might very well be the best possible living condition for ANYONE.

The blueprint is still in the works, and I'm having a hard time getting it pattented, because it is a terrible idea, but I think it could really sell to...say, mentally challenged 19 year old college students.

The other day, my roommate (who will remain anonymous, because he is a gigantic, flamingly open homo-sexual) and I were running through the halls, most likely making animal noises, and undoubtedly giggling like small children.

Everything was going great, until I hear in the distance, a commanding, slightly bitchy, mostly whiny, and one hundred percent annoying voice say "No running in the halls."

I stopped dead in my tracks, feeling like i was in 2nd grade again, and found it very hard to believe that I really just got told to not run in the halls. By an RA!

I went back to the room, and she made me and my anonymously homosexual roomate walk back to our room in single file, with hall passes and a dunce cap on. She then bent me over and spanked me with a ruler. Which was actually entirely my idea. In a completely non-sexual sense. Cuz that would be weird.

In conclusion, buy your dorm-on-wheels today, available at Wal-Mart, and other major corporations that offer little to no benefits to their employees everywhere.

Oh, and if at all possible, in the next year, turn 30, enroll in a public speaking class, and get divorced.