Muscles and Lunch Lady Miscues

Team pictures came out today.

And I still find myself asking the same question.

Why does EVERYONE flex in every team picture that is ever taken.

I'll tell you why.

It always starts with the first guy. And it always happens to be the skinniest dude on the team.

He lines up for his photo, and grips his hands tight enough to shatter a human skull, pokes his shoulders forward, and tenses up his neck as if to say "Yeah I'm 185. 185 pounds of STEEL."

So the next guy steps up to the camera, and thinks, "Shoot, if that guy is looking buff, if I don't flex, i won't look buff, and if I don't look buff, I won't look buff!"

So, guy #2 promptly flex's his little heart out, and indeed, he looks buff.

Then there's the guy who has mastered the art of picture-taking-flexing, where he flex's but does so subtlely, so people who look at the picture wonder "Is that guy flexing, or is he just buff?"

Don't be fooled. He flex's, just like all of us.

Then there's the guy who actually is buff, and he flex's and makes it totally obvious, because in the picture his veins are popping out, his face is beat red, and he accidently left his daily dose of 'roids in the background of the picture.

But dang he looks good.

Occasionally you'll have the guy who doesn't care. This guy has mastered the art. He just wears a T-shirt.

I'm sure there's some deeper meaning to this, like an alpha-male complex and the fear of being inferior to the fellow male population, but for now, I'm gonna blame the skinny kids for making everyone else feel pressured to look ripped.

When it's all said and done, everyone looks pretty stupid anyway, mostly because our uniforms weigh 10 pounds and have texture similar to cardboard.

No bulging bicep can cure a unie that runs 3 sizes too big.

As a side note, the lady who scans my card every morning is undoubtedly miserable.

I don't know her name, and I don't want to, but what I do want is for her to get fired, and stop complaining about how much of a dick her boss is.

Card lady: Um...did you just hear him?

Me: (eating cheerio's) No...

Card lady: He is SUCH a DICK!!!

Me: (Uninterested) Who?

Card Lady: My Boss! Did you hear him? I'm gonna quit. He already has 2 lawsuits against him from other people working here. Cuz he is such a DICK!

Me: I think i put too much brown sugar on these Cheerios. Do you agree?

Card lady: I hate my life.

Me: This table smells like chinese food.

Card lady: My son broke his arm playing football, so I'm late, and he is just such a DICK!

Me: This oatmeal is pretty good. You can't really mess up oatmeal though.

Card lady: You need to be more lively in the morning.

Me: You need to get a real job and stop complaining about your life to 18 year old kids. I'm trying to read the sports section, and right now, you, card lady, are making me want to gouge my eyes out with this spoon, and put my face in this scolding hot oatmeal.

Ok, so that last part didn't happen, but the moral of the story is...this lady told me she graduated from EOU.

So this is me officially announcing I am changing my major from Communications and Journalism, to Card Scanning.

She sometimes does it wrong-side-up, and sometimes she forgets entirely that I even have a card to be scanned, but it's a tough job, and somebody needs to do it.

It's getting late, my suitemate just came in while I was blogging and complained/bragged about the hickies on his neck, and asked me if I have any make-up.

He's dating dracula and he finds this hilarious. I, however, find it distruptive to my blogging.

Yeah dude, I'll hook you up with some cover up. Just don't take fucking 40 minutes in the shower tomorrow morning.

I need to go to bed, cuz I have to wake up at 7 tomorrow to get cardboard flavored eggs from some lady who can't scan a barcode, hates her life, but loves telling me about it.

"Enjoy it kid, this is the best time of your life."


Fuck.