A day in the life of someone in those Smirnoff Ice Commercials

I am assuming you have seen these on television.

If not, you are missing out.

And again.

This is how I picture a sequence of days for the typical Smirnoff Ice drinker, according to the commercials.

Smirnoff Guy: (cracks open a Smirnoff Ice after rolling out of bed.)

Smirnoff Girl: I'm having so much fun because we had an excellent night of sexual relations last night. Thanks to Smirnoff Ice. Which you are drinking. At 8 in the morning.

Smirnoff Guy: If by "Sexual Relations," you mean we painted a random warehouse purple and wore light fixtures on our heads while dancing around in a rave-like fashion...yes our sexual relations were enjoyable.

Smirnoff Guy 2: (Walks into the bedroom) Hey guys...say...don't you think it's weird we had the money to buy that entire warehouse, and several gallons of purple paint...just to throw a makeshift Rave with enough Smirnoff Ice to quench the thirst of a thousand Alcoholics Anonymous members?

Girl: Well...I never thought of it that way. The 37 un-used fire extinguishers sure were convenient though.

Guy 1: I am just glad we are good enough friends with 75 people to invite them to our random warehouse rave. With alot of purple paint.

Girl: I can't believe I was there.

Guy 2: Alright guys, good talk, but I have to go to work now.

Guy 1: WORK!? What do you mean WORK!?

Guy 2: It's the place I go to make money. To pay off these ridiculous random parties we keep throwing.

Guy 1: What do you mean!? We drink SMIRNOFF ICE. When you drink smirnoff Ice, you don't work. You find empty pools on the top of buildings that you fill with used mattresses and cube-shaped foam pads.

Girl: Then you invite 130 of your closest, 23 year-old attractive looking male and female friends, and you jump into the pool over and over, doing various tricks, like backflips and corkscrews.

Guy 1: Don't forget the woodchipper that we own, and the fact that there will be NO problems with security, or the tedious task of carrying used cushions and foam pads up several flights of stairs.

Guy 2: It's like you guys think of this shit on your couch...sitting on your ASS all day, drinking Smirnoff Ice, then you just go and do it. Like it's that easy.

Guy 1: One minute we were sitting on the couch talking about it.

Girl: Then all of a sudden....it was insane. We Were There. (Trademark.)

Guy 2: Did you just say trademark?

Guy 1: I am so glad I have such a mass quantity of friends, who are racially diverse and all very attractive people, because racially predictable ugly people do NOT drink Smirnoff Ice.

Girl: I cannot wait to fill a vacant pool on a rooftop with foam and jump in it. Then I will probably have sex with alot of men, because Smirnoff Ice makes my Panties Drop.

Guy 2: Nothing makes your panties drop. You are the only one who makes your panties drop. Because you are a slut.

Guy 1: That's my girl. Now let's go get our woodchipper and pillows.

Girl: I love Smirnoff.

(Next Morning)

Guy 2: I am never drinking Smirnoff Ice again. My neck hurts from doing various acrobatic moves onto piles of foam, and I got fired from my job because all I do is drink Smirnoff Ice and plan parties that are ridiculously un-realistic.

Guy 1: Dude, chill out. I have this great idea for tonight.

Guy 2: You know what? No. I don't care how cool it is. I don't care how awesome your idea is. I don't care if it's "Insane," or "You can't believe you were there," all of these slogans are getting on my NERVES. You need to grow up.

Guy 1: But dude...I promise you. This is gonna be INSANE. And you're going to BE THERE.

Guy 2: No. I don't care if you find a random hill, wheelbarrows full of ice to keep our Smirnoff's cold, a 100 yard roll of plastic sheet, and sprinklers that go off at 10:30 every night.

Girl: What if we invite 46 of our best-looking, culturally diverse, physically fit 23 year old friends?

Guy 2: I don't even HAVE 23 friends. I don't even know where the hell you find all these people. I don't even care if you make the worlds greatest SLIP N SLIDE in the sweltering summer night heat. I have to wake up early to get the JOB that I LOST because of these outrageous PARTIES.

Girl: I know. It's insane. We were THERE.

Guy 1: Wait...did you just say SLIP N SLIDE!? DUDE!!! That's just what I was thinking! It's HOT.

Girl: It was hot. We had to do something. We're gonna do WHAT!? It was Crazy. And we were THERE.

Guy 2: Smirnoff Girl...you are consistently speaking in the incorrect tense, and I would appreciate it if something came out of your mouth that was NOT a slogan for Smirnoff Ice.

Girl: Sex.

Guy 2: I can't take you people anymore. I'm going to start drinking Bud-Light Lime so I can listen to MIA and get a Summer State Of Mind just to spite you guys.

Girl: Drinkability.

Guy 1: It's not summer until you bring out the Bud Light Lime.