25 Things People Don't Know About Lebron James

If you own a television, have access to a computer, breathe oxygen, or say "ouch" when you stub your toe on the coffee table, you're probably aware of the media downpour going on regarding all things Lebron James.

And when I say "media downpour," I mean, "every single human on planet earth is taking an aggressive, stinky, dense, $hit on Lebron James." Literally, everyone is unleashing their pent up waste, and dumping it directly onto Lebron James' stupid headband in a violent, unrelenting fashion.

Here's a list of things we don't know about Lebron James.

1. Lebron James is actually NOT Osama Bin-Laden. He is a professional basketball player.

2. Lebron James does NOT have a forehead tattoo that reads "compare me to Michael Jordan please."

3. Deshawn Stevenson DOES have a forehead tattoo. Of a crack. His explanation; "it's cuz I never crack under pressure." Got it.

3. Lebron James is 26. Michael Jordan won his first ring at 28. What will you be doing when you're 26? What did you do when you were 26? Were you winning MVP's? Were you being 6'8 260 lbs? If so, thanks for reading. Tell your rich friends about me.

4. Lebron James refers to himself as "King James." Don't beleive me? Read here

5. There is no specific scientific reason that Lebron James wears a headband.

6. There is also no explanation as to why he makes this face.

7. Lebron James did not steal your lunch money during recess.

8. Delonte West had sexual relations with Lebron James' mother. Can we all take a second and feel sorry for Lebron. Okay. Thanks.

9. Lebron James did not have sex with your mom. Probably.

10. Lebron James is leading the 2011 NBA Finals in assists in the 4th quarter.

11. Lebron James is leading the 2011 NBA Finals in times where Stuart Scott, Magic Johnson, That One Barry, and Michael Wilbon say the word "choke."

12. Lebron James always makes the right pass.

13. Except for when he makes the wrong pass.

14. Lebron leads the league in jersey sales.

15. Lebron leads the league in jerseys that were bought, and then burned.

16. Lebron leads the league in jokes at his expense about currency:

-Lebron should play hockey, they don't have a 4th quarter.

-Lebron got asked for change for a dollar, and only gave 3 quarters.

-This was considered especially cheap because Lebron James is very wealthy.

-I omitted #4 from this list, just to make these a$$holes who make up these jokes HAPPY.

17. Lebron James hates quarters.

18. Lebron James could not win a basketball game 1-on-5. Neither could Michael Jordan. We seem to struggle with coming to grips about this.

19. Lebron James allegedly cracks under pressure.

20. Lebron James has a tattoo on his back that reads "Chosen One."

21. So do I.

22. Lebron James is the best player in the NBA.

23. He is not playing like it.

24. He had a triple-double last game.

25. Shit.