Grrrrrr. Ape Nuts.

I've been thinking about that one Grape Nuts commercial alot lately.

The one where the guy is at the breakfast table, listening to his family complain about this and that, and the guy just takes a few spoonfulls of Grape Nuts and pretty soon, instead of hearing "I don't wanna go to school. Who's turn is it to take the garbage out?"

He hears, "Crunch, Crunch, Crunch, Crunch."

To me, this is a brilliant strategy, and should be implimented into everyday life.

For example, today during practice, i completely messed up one of the plays, and as one of two freshman on the team, I heard it from all of my teammates.

"Dart, pay attention. Did that new haircut affect your ability to think with your head, not your ass? Do it right!"

At that moment, I reached for my grape nuts.

I didn't have any whole grain breakfast cereal readily available, so I just started chomping my teeth together with great force, so it just made a big clicking sound, so pretty soon, instead of hearing about how terrible of a person I am for forgetting one of our 100,086 plays, I just heard

"Click, click, click"

Then, I bit my tongue, literally, and everyone started looking at me funny.

Damn you, Karma.

In Biology, it was one of those moments when a teacher asks a question, and NOBODY says anything, so the teacher gets really mad, and keeps asking the question, getting progressively louder everytime, so I blurted out an answer, that was evidently hilarious to my overly-environmentally-concious biology teacher, and all of my classmates.

Me: "Hydration Synthesis!"

Everyone within a one mile radius: (Pause to register exactly how retarted my answer was)...HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!! IDIOT!!!!

My teacher was even laughing at me...

The lady who uses organic "doggy poopy bags" made of recycled grass and biodegradable something-or-another to clean up after her "children" when she takes them on walks.

Embarrased to no end, I sunk into my seat, and reached for my Grape Nuts.

Pretty soon, I was gnawing on the corner of my Biology text book, and instead of hearing "Wow, that tall kid who sits in the front row is a real dumb-ass," I heard "Wow, that tall kid who sits in the front row is actually chewing on his text book, and there is now a puddle of drool at his feet."

"I think he's teething."

Damnet.

I think i might just start carrying around pebbles, which are much more inexpensive than Grape Nuts, so next time I'm confronted with an awkward situation, I can just reach in my pocket for salvation.

"Hey dude...uh...your fly is down."

"Excuse me, I'd love to listen to what you are saying, but I have these pebbles in my pocket that must be chewed on."

"Crunch Crunch Crunch Crunch."

In completely unrelated news, I've concluded that Daylight Savings Time is stupid.

I have done no research to support my views, but all I know is I don't like feeling like it's ten, when it's really eleven, and vice versa.

Consequentially, Allen Iverson was traded to the Pistons, Sarah Palin will have authority in the whitehouse, and the couple from The Bachlorette just broke up.

Also, Jason Campbell threw his first interception of the season, and I'm pretty sure if the universe wasn't in total chaos, and it was an hour earlier, he wouldn't have thrown it, cuz it still would have been the pregame show.

"Sean, stop blogging, you're not funny, and it pains me to read your entries."

"Crunch Crunch Crunch"

Here's to hoping you don't chip a tooth. Goodnight.